Just recently, I have heard the news from an important person that there's going to be a planned event sometime in the future with her very much involved in it. That's one reason that I can say she is very happy, and me - nothing.
Technically, I should be happy for her. I am actually. I should be feeling alright, as this is going to be a big break for her. But I am nowhere close to that vicinity. The moment I heard the news, I was stunned and speechless. I just sat there and all of our memories kept reeling.
I know very well in my power and knowledge that it is way easier to do nothing and hope the pain goes away in its own accord over time. But I know at the same time, I can be pretty stupid knowing that there is still something that can be done - like the last ditch effort.
Time is ticking - I should at least be able to tell her my feelings for her which has been hidden inside of me for years before I ran out of time. I do not know any good reason why I should be doing this. I never felt that she had waited for me all along, and here I am cooking up a Herculean mission which entails alot of sacrifice (which I will discuss in detail later on), and I am very certain that I will get nothing out of it, but the relief that I have finally "took the big choker out of my heart".
That's the way how I want it to happen - at the personal level, this is going to be between her and me, and NO ONE ELSE will know about it. I wish I could tell her everything personally, and I need to do this as soon as possible.
Time is running out. Think fast.
