No Reward for Nice Guys

I am not able to continue [for now] the same direction that my blog is making. I have realized that what I am trying to accomplish (which is not really much from her, and so much from myself) is kinda selfish.

NOTE: For a few people that I know [who pays attention to their personal email inboxes], this is a dead give away.

Some nice guys just don't get rewarded on how they deserve to be rewarded. Even on small things or some other things that they are expected to be rewarded. Even on some things that they have been wholeheartedly pursuing.

I've got nothing to lose - so what am I thinking? I am not even expecting to be rewarded or something like that. Even up to this point that I am giving my "unrequited love" (quoting my new friend on her comment about this part of my story), trying to be selfish and all, and STILL I am being selfless.

Selfless. How?

A few weeks ago (a day after I posted my last entry, I think), I got to talk to [someone very important in her life]. Cutting the story short, I realized she is very happy in her life now, and I was worried about how would she react if I confess to her personally. I did not want to shake her up. I did not want her to react badly just because a guy has been secretly keeping his love for her for years already.

Like what I said. I've got nothing to lose - so what am I thinking? My new friend shared to me that it's time for me and it's ok for me to GO SELFISH this time. She is right, and besides, I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. After her saying that, I felt like it's more important for me to vent these hidden feelings out in that right time, rather so selfless and keep this for a longer time. I'd be crazy by then.

I know I am not the perfect man a girl would want to be with as her girlfriend. I know I do not have the looks of a man who would sweep off any girl just by one look. I am a man who would work hard for a girl just to say hi at him. I guess I have been used to that kind of setup, that there are always guys who would do practically nothing to have girls go crazy for them because they are someone that I am not. But I know I am a nice guy, nice enough to deserve some warm attention and warm love from someone that I really love.

But I am in some kind of a love curse. Believe me, I have been serving this curse for a while already.

Well, so GO SELFISH for me. But I am still blown away by my own thoughts of being selfless and unrewarded. I just hope I can recover from this minor setback so I can continue with my pending posts.