The Prequel

Being in constant awe of her and myself (still bearing the similar feelings for her for the past several years), I read the "PREQUEL" of this blog (that is why this is called The Sequel- and wondering if there will be an epilogue, or this itself is the epilogue). Years are gapping between the two materials, and talk about hardcore reminiscing - I can still remember every moment the story I was writing, and the moments as I was writing each one of them. They are still fresh.

I remember the crucial moment how I started the prequel. [I am now deliberately stripping off some details in the story, as my identity may be threatened by exposure]. I was talking to my sister about something that is absolutely related NEITHER to the prequel NOR to this blog. A jiffy later - adrenaline rush. I started making up some plans, day dreaming and fantasizing, etc. I was like "Wow, my mind is working very well. This must be something really special." Moments later, I came rushing to [deliberately stripped off info] to start off the prequel.

I started off quite slow trying to rearrange my "revitalized thoughts" into words. It was like a kid's room full of new toys that were just brought in; the kid got so excited seeing all those new toys, and ended up trying to organize them. But as I expected to myself, I caught up quickly. Everything was so crystal clear to me, so clear to me that I could taste it. Every word I wrote there was so true, and they all came from my heart.

Everytime I got the chance to update the prequel, I always made sure I seized the moment - meaning I am in the an excellent mood to vent my thoughts away. In that way, I ensured that I posted/wrote very effectively.

[As much as I want to describe the moments the prequel got updated from time to time, I would rather not, as this can give out some clues of my identity]

Updating the prequel was really fulfilling. I get to safely say everything I want to say about her (saying SAFELY, but she actually read a part of it). It was silly but very thrilling that a guy like me is doing something like that. That's how much I felt for her. That's how I got so crazy about her.

As much as it gave me the thrill updating the prequel, re-reading it all over again gave me a really wonderful (but sad) feeling. I am able to recall everything that took place at those times. I am able to reminisce how good or bad I was feeling. I am still able to see and hear very clearly with my imagination what I was seeing and hearing with my eyes and ears.

At one point when I was re-reading the prequel, I started crying.

There are some lines there that solely describes my feelings for her. They were so defined and full of meaning. But c'mon, those are years-old lines! Those should have been long gone! Amazingly, almost all of those lines are still true to date. It's hard to understand how these feelings have fostered by and for themselves over the years. I don't know why my heart is still clinging on the same girl.

I stopped updating the prequel because I got myself into a crossroad. The reason was partly mentioned in my previous entry -> http://secret--lover.blogspot.com/2009/02/pursuit.html. [Thinking if I should include some of these stripped off info]. As the years have gone by, the feelings might have hampered, but it did not die.

With just these things that I posted/wrote in this blog, you can just imagine how much feelings (if you can call this love) were present when I was with her and when I was doing the prequel, and how this feeling have sustained over the years!

And damn, she only know a little part of this! She doesn't know the latter part of the prequel. She doesn't know about this. She doesn't know that I feel almost the same way for her as before... And I want her to know everything. In time... even if it takes so much sacrifice in my part.

Do you want to imagine how a guy goes crazy for a girl? You can try making your way in reading the prequel. I'd love to share it, but still thinking of a way of doing it wihle protecting my identity.