How I Laid My Eyes On Her

Thank you for the people who had taken their time in reading my but humble blog. I'd say this is a really long blog that one has to take reasonable just to finish my entries to date. I really thank all of you, from the bottom of my empty heart.

This is the first entry of three parts. The contents of these entries is a request of an anonymous person who have read this blog (you can actually see our conversation in the comments page in the previous entry). I hope you guys enjoy this. I thank all of you again.

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I am sitting in my chair here in my desk, silently doing my stuff here trying to look all busy so as the others wouldn't bug me silly. Yea really, at times you just won't hear me talking as if I was just getting by to wait the day to finish.

But inside of me, I am raging on mute, and no one can hear it.

My personal life is like a blur of what is really running in my mind. I have so many thoughts that has been going through, and they aren't so pretty. They're pretty mixed up - so unorganized, but they mean a direction to me.

I have been dying to actually take that direction. I have been wanting to get out this crammed up world I am living in. I have been waiting for the perfect opportunity for me to break free of this system that has been getting very old and tedious.

I could have already done this before but I'd say alot of things got in the way - some are controlled, some are not. I'd love to tell the whole story here, but I am really afraid that my identity may get compromised. I will just share the first half of it (and I think in this whole blog, this is the first entry that may share a big bulk of story, and I may still omit some definitive details without question - but still, this is really scary for me).

If you have read the entry 'The Pursuit?', more or less you will "vaguely familiar" with the first part. But I will try to expand it if I can.

Almost a decade ago, I already knew her existence. The reason? It's quite uncommon...well rarely uncommon that it would be too obvious that I'd get compromised. I never met her that time, but I already know her name; I already know what she had been doing. I already know some of her accomplishments, and I might already have some clues of what she was really capable of doing. I already knew how her face looked like.

For about the same time, I don't know how much thought she had put in me. But I didn't. I just knew her existence, but I was living my own life in where I have been living. And for her? She might already have known how I looked, might already have known what I had been doing. She might already have known the different embarassments I have done (that she would later be learning about). But this I am sure, she already knew I existed, and she already knew my name.

And yet we have been fifteen hundred miles apart. How was this possible? Yea, I know it's strange. But we all know how the internet is making the world alot smaller. So I'd like to skip those details.

Several years later, I was already aware that we were about to meet. But having so little interest in her, I just told myself "Let's just get this over with so we can have our own lives back." I did not feel the need and urgency to make self preparations for our meeting.

And yet, I would later discover that I was all wrong.

She looked so vibrant and bubbly with her black framed eyeglasses and dangling earrings that made her look way behind her real age. She wasn't the same girl I saw in the picture several years ago. And honestly, I was instantly dumbstruck while she was all composed meeting all of us.

Basically, I have learned that we are to spend time together for a couple of weeks - half of it in their place, half in ours. I decided to try everything to spend time with her with much quality. But how? I wasn't prepared.

Just the second day, I knew I already liked her alot. It was not just because she was insanely pretty in my pair of eyes, but also she appeared to be so exciting to be with, as she seemed so independent eventhough she looked so innocent. And little I did know, there was so much more in her that I would be seeing that would make go head over heels for her.

She would always look so simple. As a student, she seemed to be so used to carry alot of things with her two arms and her back. And never fails to wear her pretty smile. She always had something to talk about, whether she was talking to me or not. I'd rather kept almost quiet when talking to her.

I was so glad and relieved when we had our picture together. We were both wearing blue shirts. It was like I had reached a certain pinnacle of my life. Well, I didn't realize we would be having way alot of pictures as the vacation would progress.

Nothing can really describe how I laid my eyes on her, and I even got lost in her eyes a couple of times. Yes, at that time I already like her so much, and I was already worried on how would I be feeling when this vacation reaches the end. I was feeling so passionate but anxious. I was feeling all so hesitant inside. I really wanted her around.

So there, the first part of the vacation came to a close. We just parted ways for the first time, but it was like as if nothing happened, but inside of me I was already raging on mute. I was missing her.

But I had something to look forward into. I was waiting.

(to be continued...)