Blurry

Second entry of three parts
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I came home with a smile on my face - the kind of smile that you just couldn't take away. I knew I was missing her already, but I knew within a few days I would be seeing her again.

That was what I got - a few days. A few days for me to prepare just a bit. But I was really clueless on what was supposed to happen, so I really did not know how and which to prepare. But I still tried.

Also at this same time, I was already making a long term plan which is not directly affecting her, but STILL may affect her (and this plan is still ON to date). Well this shall take alot of sacrifices in my part, but I have yet to see what will happen. I know I may seem trying to omit some major details here. Hmmm, I have just been preparing myself to make way to work fifteen hundred miles away from home just to get near to her.

Anyway, I was in my room, writing something on the "prequel", as I would always do. I had been thinking of her since we parted ways just that other night, and I had been planting anticipation for the next few days.

"It will be payback." That's what I had put in the prequel. And I was waiting for the payback.

Then they had arrived here. I was already aware and set my mind to keep myself composed because we only had a limited time. On the dinner we had on that same night, I can remember I was already trying to get closer to her then and there. I sat beside her, asked for another picture of us, and I was really trying to talk to her more than an almost no effort from me a week before.

She looked unbiasedly prettier and more blooming than how I first saw her, as if she was really poised to have a blast in this vacation. And yes she was - pulling me to anything she is interesting in seeing or doing. The first night was especially memorable for the both of us. We have done a couple of things that we both have done for the first time in our lives - we looked so amusingly stupid doing them.

Comparing this part of the vacation to the first one, I could already say that this was turning into a more interesting one, and I was very happy with it. We were all to stay in one room, so basically we would stick to each other from waking time to sleeping time, until they leave the place. That was high quality bonding time, I'd say.

Because of that, we had been especially closer throughout the duration of the vacation. We would go out as if we were going out on a date. At times, she would just pull my arm, hit me, stuck really close to me, and just talk. At this time, I already knew more than enough about her - enough for me to create a really long story about her. One of the notables she told me about herself is she hates musicians. And to everybody's note, I am a hardcore musician.

And as for her, she definitely knew me way better than before. We both had our own chances of telling each other our lives' stories and listening to them intently. Well, it's not really hard to tell her stories because I felt that she was always listening and at times, she'd let me know how'd she felt about some of my stories.

We had days that we just laughed and slept and abit all silly. We also had days that we weren't "the usual lively duo" (in which she actually had a reason why we had these days). We had a lot of pictures (which I am still keeping) which went along the way. I could say that I was really lucky because I was able to see, feel and experience her sweeter side.

But overall so far, we were having a great time being together. We both had experienced something new with each other's presence. I was really getting all so used being with her and walking side by side with her. I was wishing it wouldn't end.

As interesting as things was turning out to be, the next events that had occurred would really raise some eyebrows (and again, telling some of the details can be scary for me).

I was aware that the whole vacation was about to come to close and I knew in myself that in a matter of a single night's sleep, we would never see each other again for the longest time. You can just imagine how depressed I was feeling, how heavy my heart was getting.

I was having a moment on my own that night, just trying to relax and to figure out what I'd be trying to do before they leave. I honestly admit that I didn't have any plans on pursuing her or so (but still, my plans for my career that I have mentioned above was still on) because everything was so fresh and I didn't exactly know if she really had feelings for me. I was actually pessimistic about things.

Then there she came. She came to me. She was wearing this bright pink shirt and her newly bought blue skirt, with her little eyes in between those black frames as she walked towards me, and sat beside me. Our colors somewhat blended as I was wearing pink too. I can still remember that my heart was trembling inside because I could feel then and there that we were going to have an important talk.

She directly asked me if I liked her, with some curiosity and concern from her eyes. Yeah, I was aware of the self-statement I made earlier that I had no plans of pursuing her. But, with my whole heart and sincerity, I admitted to her that I did like her at that moment. She only liked me halfway, she admitted, but I didn't really know how she meant by liking me halfway.

She pointed out some stuff about courting her, which really dismayed me. I strongly pointed myself out by telling her that liking a girl doesn't necessary mean I will court that girl right away. I really did not want to. And besides, I was not ready for a new relationship and I could sense that she was not ready for her first one. Our conversation ended peacefully, but might have left some confusion and concern between us.

Later that night, she told me she was not happy, and told me we should talk again.

So, in a different venue, we did. While our second conversation was running, I was learning her other side. I was knowing her alot better, and she was doing the same for me. It was really a heartfelt talk because we were alone and we didn't have to think of other things but us.

We had come to an agreement that after that vacation we'd be in contact by email. Like what I have just mentioned above, she hated musicians. So then and there, she told me that she knew that I am a musician, but "Let's see if you can change my mind." I will never forget that she told me that. So what now? Was I already courting her or not?

That night ended with me crying the night out, and with her, I didn't really know.

I was very well aware that there were instances that she'd look for me, wait for me, follow me, or just plain getting near me. That next morning, it was the last time that she really went looking for me when I was a moment of my own. There she was again, wearing a white shirt, totally looking like a kid. I didn't expect her to show herself up, but she did.

Her face was showing concern, because I knew her well enough that she would show concern to a seemingly depressed person. Well, we talked again, but at that time, I was not really paying attention to her. I was in the verge of breaking down right there in front of her, knowing that I won't be seeing her for a long time.

Then there it finally came. The moment that I had been wishing not to come. We were around twenty meters apart, waving at each other. That's how I last saw her - she was standing afar waving at me, all blurry with all the tears just flowing out of my eyes.

I broke down. Really badly. I was enduring the greatest pain in my heart.

(to be continued...)