90561495 vs. The Author

This is an entry trying to put more detail from the previous entry P6: "But she's just too good for me..." -- http://secret--lover.blogspot.com/2009/10/p6-but-shes-just-too-good-for-me.html

This really ain't a "versus" entry as in a competition or something. This entry is just trying to answer why she was (or maybe still is) too good for me. Since this is a directly related to the sixth entry of the prequel, the contents of this blog entry is in relation of the events that had happened so far at the time of posting of the mentioned prequel entry, and to extend a little (for the sake of coherence with the previous entries of this blog, until a little later at that time -- which would be some years ago.

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I said in my previous entry that she was a person of stature for me, and I might have not been seemingly the same for her. I meant that, and I have reasons why.

Firstly, I'd like to make a measure on the absolute scale. Who was I, and who was she? Who are we in relation to our separate societies and cultures we had lived in?

She stood on an average height for a girl, built is average - not fat, but not skinny either. Insanely pretty and cute in my eyes. Absolutely innocent looking (but don't be fooled by her looks). Seemingly simple girl who was pretty much flexible on her clothes. Definitely loves her mummy very much. Speaks in a very distinct [insert non rhotic accent here] that sometimes she says some words in a funny but cute way. Loves to sleep anywhere, anytime. A very good swimmer.

I stand above the average height for guys, but significantly underweight. Average looks for where I had lived. Living a simple life with family and friends. Proud music lover and player. Loves talking to people and making new friends. Avid writer of random things, but leaning more on love issues. Can do quite a number of sports, but not swimming.

As a student, she had been consistent on being recognized as one of the top students of her class academically. To add to that, she had been busy working so hard in extracurricular activities. She had been shaping herself to become a strong and independent woman, to the extent of hearing something like "boys get intimidated by her."

As for me, I pretty much fell on the middle part of the bell curve. I was pretty much went to school just for the sake of graduating. I was honestly more interested in meeting my friends in school, seeing my crushes and trying to make more music than actually studying. Had a fair share of failing grades and very high ones, and everything in between. I was pretty much more interested in connecting to other people. Did try to get involved in some extracurricular activities, but wasn't really into them. Did not really pay much attention until the last part of schooling.

So with these [limited] individual characteristics I have described, what had happened when we did run to each other's faces and collide?

She was like this tough battering ram charging straight to my gut. I did not know how to handle her, as if it was quite necessary. I was caught off guard, and I am very sure she had not been entirely aware of it.

She was getting to know me really better as I was scrambling for air to do the same to her. Yes I did get to know her better, and she must not had been worried a single moment of it. For me, I'd be so much proud of her if I was her father. I thought she was really an amazing girl how I had been seeing her handling herself in front of whoever gets to interact with her. I was pretty much in awe of her.

And as for me who wasn't so proud of myself being in front of her, I don't think I did cause her to awe for me in anyway. And damn, even with my seemingly greatest life weapon, she wouldn't budge to it (which I will put into more detail in another future entry). She said something like this -- "I don't like musicians. They are playboys." So how the heck was I going to impress her? And to add to this hardship, my Dad kept on feeding her embarrassing things about me which I would just wish I could have told these things to her myself.

But no matter how things badly went, I can say I was very lucky that I had experienced her sweet side. She made me feel comfortable almost all the time we were together (at least almost, because at times she did ignore me with me without actually being at least partly aware of it). Even if things were lopsided against me in terms of getting on a higher leverage, if that was utterly necessary for me to say something like that, I still thought it was prudent that I keep my best foot forward at all times.

Certainly, that kept me going on at least a forward pace. One of the notables is that one good thing she saw in me (http://secret--lover.blogspot.com/2009/05/that-one-good-thing-she-saw-in-me.html). At least that helps me keep my grin (and probably my sanity too) maybe for a day or two. Probably, the reasons too how she made those memories with me that have been so worthy of reminiscing.

But there came a time when she let most of it out, which made me feel really disappointed equally at her and at myself. At that final night, the stage was set for the most awaited conversation in our lives. At that time, I pretty much learned how to handle myself being with her.

I knew very well in myself that I was a WAY BETTER person than the person I was very sure how she saw me. I already had a lot of sensible things happening in my mind. What was very frustrating is I might have failed to show her even the half of the real me [for the possible reason I am not yet ready to share to this blog -- better hunt me down on MSN if interested]. I almost never seem to find my way to hit my high notes on her when I would usually do normally on other people. And as a girl like her who never had someone to romantically call her own, this might have posed to be important as she was to share to me what he wanted from a potential boyfriend.

She claimed she was smarter than me - that might have been obviously true by just comparing our scholastic histories, but she surely didn't know how way smarter I was than I seemed to her.

She wanted a "great" boyfriend. [removing a bit of bragging details]. But stating the ALMOST seemingly obvious, that made her too good for me.

Ultimately, at that time, I really really really liked her a lot, and she knew about it, but that was it. That was SUPPOSED TO BE IT, and nothing should have moved past that. If she didn't talk about [something about courting her], none of these have honestly mattered. Try hearing something like this from her "Let's see if you can change my mind about musicians". That was definitely a romantic challenge for me, and instantly, I had a confidently comforting feeling (which would going to be crushed in the coming months).

By the time you end reading this, you'd say there are some inconsistencies in here. I know that already, but please do tell me all about it. :)