If you are someone who have followed this blog for the longest time, you would be expecting that I would be telling her everything that I still feel about her before coming back home. You would be expecting some dramatic events that could have happened in that very part of my life. You would be expecting me feeling alright or maybe a bit happier than I should be by letting my heart out in front of her face.
Well, I am feeling alright and happier as I post this, but I never told her even but a single thing. It's not that I never had the chance to talk to her. I had maybe significantly less chances than I expected, but they were still chances and I only needed one chance. But I did not take it. I just could not muster the courage to carry on with that. And I firmly stand with that decision I made, hoping I won't be regretting it soon.
I might have joked a bit to her about it. Something I said to her like "Well, it was kinda lonely... because you weren't there with me." But enough of how she reacted, because she just gave a blank reaction to that. Maybe she was all stressed from the work she was doing. And yeah, that was the reason why we did not have much bonding time as much as we had years before.
Well, that made me turn my attention to her brother. He's already like a brother to me. My brother from another mother, and I don't exactly know how he feels about that. But just for a few days spending time with this guy, we had already done quite a lot of stuff together. He made me feel quite comfortable around him.
And being comfortable with him, I told him everything. To him, instead to her. Well, as I was just starting telling him stuff, he already guessed what was it all about right. I showed him the prequel, and I showed him this exact blog. He is the first person who I have showed him all of these in person. I might have seem weirded him out with all these things I have revealed to him in just a single night.
He did let me sincerely pour my heart out to him, trying to mean every word I said to him, and also hoping at least he would still pay some respect to me if ever he could never understand why I was saying those things. Yeah, I was worried about that but that really did not stop me from sharing my thoughts to him.
I left everything I wrote about his sister to him - the prequel and this blog. I have left the decision to him if he wants to read everything from start to finish or not. And I left myself with the decision of not telling her anything, of leaving everything as they are right now.
Please watch out for my next entry of this blog, which will be the very very very last entry. :)
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Haha, I feel that it's kind of ironic that you told everything to her brother and not her XD Also, I'm still in shock that you didn't tell her your feelings after all this time. However, if you felt that this was the best decision, then I support you :] I hope to read the next entry soon!
ReplyDelete@anonymous: hahaha i know! all the months i had been planning for that one chance, then it just turned out this way. i just froze until i decided this was what i wanted. thanks for your support and for dropping by! i am constructing my next and final entry. i am expecting it to be a long and a very heartfelt entry. :)
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